The Train is Smelly

I'm not a racist person, and definitely don't like to place people into stereotypes. I don't like it when I tell people that I was in a fraternity in college and they automatically assume that I was a cocky, drunk, womanizing asshole all the time. (Actually, it was mostly on the weekends.)

Having inserted this disclaimer about myself, I'd like to now state that not all, but a majority of the Indian people that ride the train with me in the morning...stink.

I get on the train where it starts it's route and there are only a few people in my car. Since it's an express, there are two stops along the way. Now, when I get on the train, it smells like a train (pleather, plastic, metal, etc.) After the Route 59 and Naperville stops the train is packed (usually standing room only), and it smells like curry, moth balls, and dirty clothes. Thankfully, and contrary to popular belief (and when I say popular belief, I'm repeating what an Indian friend of mine said parts of India smell like), it's not a BO or rotting meat smell.

I realize there is a culture gap and that many of these people are from different backgrounds with different beliefs, customs, and smells. To help the smelly people become more acclimated to America, I've constructed the following guide. Since they don't have a BO smell, I'll skip the basics like taking a shower and wearing deodorant (they seem to have that one down). However, I will stress washing your hair more than once a month.

1. Wash hair at least every other day.
2. Wear clothes once, then wash. Blue jeans are the only exception (1-3 uses, then wash).
3. Wash clothes in laundry detergent...not chicken broth (Note: curry is not a fabric softener).
4. Spritz on a little cologne or perfume if laundry detergent is not available.
5. Keep the cooking smell out of your clothes (ie, don't cook dinner in the closet, open a window while cooking, use the vent over the stove, and/or cook naked).
6. Don't use moth balls. They make you smell like shit and are toxic (moth balls contain naphthalene, which is poisonous).

Follow these six easy steps and you'll be smelling like Joe or Susy America on the train and people will stop calling you the "smelly Indian guy".