- I hate it when I'm sleeping on the train to work and fart...cause I'm awake enough to feel it coming, but asleep enough that I can't stop it. Then I make a noise to cover it up, like a loud cough or grunt...but it's already to late...everyone is staring at me.
- I used to make fun of my friends by saying the only way they could get laid was by making a hole in their mattress and filling it with jello. After being married for a year...I'd hit that!
- My dogs really like to lick each others' wieners.
- I drew a moustache on a bottle of vinegar just so I could call it a douchestache.
- I imagine getting punched in the boob is a lot like getting kicked in the nuts...there are a lot of women I'd like to punch in the tit.
That's all for now.
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