Wedding Pictures

This past Saturday Kelly and I went to our friends' wedding. The food was good, music was good, open bar, and many interesting people. One of these people was the 80-year-old wearing a black baby doll dress that looked more like a negligee. What's worse is I witnessed her lifting up the front of her skirt on two separate occasions on the dance floor. From now on, when I want to last a little bit longer in bed, I know what to think about.

One of the things that our friends had at their reception was disposable cameras on every table. This a fun idea, especially after having lots of alcohol and no qualms over what pictures you should take and ultimately who will see them.

That's why my friend Mike and I decided to take a nice picture of me standing in front of a toilet acting like I'm taking a leak with my pants and underwear down around my ankles and my shirt pulled up enough to see my entire ass.

About 25%-35% of the time, if someone has a camera, my ass ends up on it. I remember coming home from college one weekend to go to a friend's party. A couple of weeks later, I get an envelope in the mail from said friend. In the envelope is a picture...a picture of an ass. On the back of the picture was written: "I believe this is yours!"

I suspect I will be getting a similar correspondence in the coming months.

Vital Signs

On the train ride downtown this morning we had to stop at Downers Grove because there was a medical emergency. Immediately everyone in the car gets on their cell phones to inform their coworkers they are going to be a few minutes late...as if their coworkers care. After about 10 minutes the train starts moving again. The conductor gets on the intercom to thank everyone for their patience and to let everyone know that the man should be OK, "He had vital signs."