100 Wing Failure

Two of my friends and I recently went to Buffalo Wild Wings and ordered 100 wings. This isn't the first time we've done this, and I'm sure it won't be the last. But what made this time particularly interesting, and disappointing, was that this was the first time we weren't able to finish all of the wings.

Factors That Led to Failure:
1. We normally order 100 wings with 10 different sauces (from "Medium" to light-your-asshole-on-fire "Blazin'". All the wings are brought out and once and we are able to sample the sauces however we want. The downside is that with 100 wings, towards the end they start to get cold. This time we asked for 50 first, and then 50 later. Well, the first 50 were all the milder sauces. The second 50 were all the hot sauces. Instead of being able to move from hot to mild and vice versa, we had to eat all of the hot wings at one time. Seeing as the really hot sauces will make you pee fire, this was a difficult task to undertake.

2. Usually it is is me and my two brother in law. This time is was my brother in law and one of my other friends (who said he was up for the challenge, but then cursed us straight to hell for the torture we were putting him through).

3. I had already eaten shortly before we went. That was a stupid and amateur mistake on my part.

Despite our server bringing us milk, I just couldn't finish. The hotness of the wings wasn't the problem, I was too full. I thought about giving binging and purging a try, but just couldn't go through with it. I let my friends down. But most importantly, I let myself down.

Finally, I'd like to thank the hot girl that bought me a glass of milk. Your kindness in my time of downfall was greatly appreciated. (Who would have a thought that joking around and rubbing milk on my face because I couldn't feel my lips would be a turn on. Oh, well.)

Beating Up a Swarm of 5 Year Olds

I found this website (How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight?), which tries answer the age old question of how many children you could beat up before being overtaken.

The rules are as follows:

You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court.
There are no weapons or foreign objects.
Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin).
The children are merciless and will show no fear.
If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

My magic number: 31

It's good to know that if I ever get swarmed by 5 year olds, I will be able to gouge, bite, kick, and mercilessly pummel through 31 of those little bastards before I get taken down. It would be a bloodly, but epic, battle.

Be-yah!!!