Gym Etiquette

I go to the gym a lot. I see a bunch of weird stuff that goes on at the gym, and hear even more from a few of my workout buddies. I'm pretty easy going and can tolerate a lot, but some things I have to draw the line at.

Here are three rules of etiquette that should be followed to make your workout, as well as other patrons, more enjoyable.

1. Don't stand in front of the mirror with your shirt pulled up rubbing and checking out your stomach. You know who you are middle aged, Mediterranean-looking guy. You're not sexy. You don't have washboard abs. You have the gut of an eight months pregnant hairy gorilla.

2. Wear deodorant. You're at the gym, you're going to sweat and probably smell a little bit. But there's a big difference between a little workout stink and the smell of rotting meat boiling in baby diarrhea.

3. Steam rooms and saunas in the men's locker room are for steaming and sauna-ing, not giving each other blowjobs. I've never actually seen this, but my friend did. However, I did see a guy start jerking it while in the steam room. That was the last day I ever felt like a steam and the first day I started changing in the handicapped toilet stall like an insecure junior high kid who didn't have his pubes yet. Remember, the gym in the middle of the day isn't the time to act out your favorite porn scene from Sauna Suck-offs 4.